Food Network’s “Worst Cooks in America” premiered Sunday night and there’s a new batch of really bad (and dumb) contestants. I’m not being mean either. They said it themselves. At least half of them last night admitted to having small brains or not possessing the power to think thoughts. Seriously.

Chef Anne Burrell, or as I like to call her “Guy Fieri’s sister,” and her shiny red crocks are back. But what happened to Chef Beau MacMillan? I thought maybe they ditched him because he has no stage presence but neither does his replacement Robert Irvine. Who knows. The premise didn’t change, at least. Anne and Robert picked 16 terrible “cooks,” divided them into two teams and will put them through a cooking boot camp to turn two of them into good enough cooks to compete in a finale showdown.

The problem with this show is it’s only good until the terrible cooks learn to cook. The best part is when they suck really badly. And make dishes like this:

That’s contestant Kelly’s “boeuf.” It’s beef cooked in A LOT of red wine. I’d say it looks like jerky but I don’t want to offend jerky. Then she serves it with some vegetable concoction. And shredded cheese. What are you supposed to do with the cheese?

Then there’s this:

That’s Kat’s omelet or quiche or something. It started with raw eggs, raw chicken and WHOLE peppercorns. Nasty.

And when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, there’s this:

That’s Erika’s bologna and Easy Cheese quesadilla. No joke. And Erika is an adult, too. She’s not 7.

At first, I thought “this people have to be faking this. No one is dumb enough to cook this badly. But after Anne and Robert taught their teams to make chicken dishes I believed every bit of it. They almost burned down the kitchen. It’s real. So I think we have at least four or five fun episodes left before the cooks improve and the show gets worse.

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