Bachelor 2012 Ben Flajnik says Courtney’s behavior on the show was not okay, video below. ABC has released a video in which Flajnik opens up to host Chris Harrison in his first one on one interview ever. Ben speaks out about how horrible it felt to see Courtney’s true, horrible colors come out.

“It’s extremely difficult to watch because obviously I have very strong feelings for Courtney and Lindzi,” Ben confesses to Harrison in the shocking video interview. “Even on the group dates, I felt like Courtney was actually cordial and good on those group dates. But after watching all this stuff, Courtney’s behavior from what I’ve seen is not OK.”

Ben admits that “It’s extremely difficult to watch that back and watch this person who ends up in my top two being so different than what you have seen with her on a personal level.”

Ben also had a hard time with people on the street judging him for keeping Courtney around week after week. “It’s hard to hear anyone judge me for any of the women,” he admits. “It’s hard for me because it doesn’t matter what way I decide to do it, there are always going to be critics.”

“[But] Courtney and Lindzi are obviously still here for a reason, and they’re a big part of my life regardless how it turns out,” Ben adds. “It really is life changing.”